Thank you pintrest.

I've had alot of fun browsing (obsessing) pintrest. I have done a few crafts but I can't show you because I am doing them as christmas gifts yea! But here are three things I have made and want to show off!
For my girls:

I made these:

And for my awesome cousin's wedding I made:

Yea! Happy crafting everyone!

Exercise #2

I am tired of avoiding myself so onto the next exercise!
Exercise #2
Question number 1: Why do I want to lose weight?
As I sit and think about this question it ends up being very simple. I want to be healthy. I want to be sexy. I want to fit in my clothes without the bumps and lumps.  I want to stop being tired.
Question number 2: Are you willing to challenge yourself and work for your goal?
I don't know. I want to. I really want to, I think of things I can do to change and then it never works out. I feel like I have no self control. I am a stress eater. I quit smoking and now I eat. I want to try to do this right, for me.
Question number 3: Are you willing to accept, love and nurture your whole self- independent of weight loss?
This is hard because again I don't know the answer. Again, I want to say yes but it's a struggle and it's a journey. I don't feel the same way about myself now at 196 pounds as I did at 150. I don't feel the same way about myself at 196 pounds as I did at 170. I hate to look at myself. I hate getting dressed everyday. I want to be able to love myself because I am funny and smart and caring but how do I look past what I am?

Peace, love and a 24" waist says When we challenge the beliefs that we hold about the size of our bodies, we become conscious of the impact these thoughts have on our entire life. Creating a lifestyle that promotes weight loss is actually a lot easier that many people believe, but before you being the physical part of your journey towards greater health and well-being, you must first dismantle the biggest obstacle to weight loss success-

My weight story

Exercise number 1: Tell your weight story.

I believe my weight story began in my mid twenties. I met a boy. I met a boy who I fell madly in love with. A boy who did not love me but did love finding different ways to hurt me. Because of this I got depressed and with my depression I ate and drank more than a health person.  Because my self esteem was so low I didn't leave. I stayed and endured. I stayed and gained more and more weight.  I went to see my doctor who told me "there is nothing wrong with you except you are fat. Try eating an apple instead"

I stayed in my depression, weight gain and abusive relationship until I got a new job with wonderful caring people (thank you TSA Lihue!) who showed me I was better than the situation I was in. One of the most difficult things I have done was leave but I am forever grateful I was able to find the courage. I came home to a family that loved me and found a job that meant something to me.

Once I was home and working, I started to lose weight, I started to gain confidence in myself. Then I met the man of my dreams and the weight just melted off! I was down to a size eight and very active. 
I was able to maintain my weight for two years! Then I got pregnant! Yea!
I had a wonderful easy pregnancy followed by a short painful labor and then bam. I was a mom. The best thing in the entire world.  Three months after having my lovely Mae, I had to go back to work. I went back to a different position and for less pay. I very much struggled with it. I cried often and felt immense guilt for leaving my baby (even though it was at night when she was sleeping) I started eating and eating and eating. I gained 25 pounds! I didn't even gain that when I was pregnant. Dang.  Because of my working graveyard shifts, I am up 20 hours when I should be sleeping. I eat all night to try and stay awake. When I am home I am tired and don't feel like I have the energy to do what I used to do. Also we have had alot of added stress to our house from outside factors. So what we have here is
Renewed depression + working graveyards + using food to cope with stress+ lack of activity= fat girl.

And there my friends is my weight story. Exercise one complete. Sigh. These are rough.

Photo contest!

Since my last post was so serious, I decide to lighten things up and post some pictures of my awsome baby and enter a photo contest!  I have always loved photography and found this awesome site by Katie Evans, who gives amazing tips and has helped me improve on my passion! Thanks Katie! So here are my entries don't forget to stop by and vote for me on pintrest:

Entry #1

Entry #2

Entry #3

Peace, love and a 24"waist

Sounds perfect to me! So I picked up this book by Deborah Low Peace, love and a 24" waist. No no silly I didn't buy it, I actually made it to the library and borrowed it. I am done buying those dang books and wasting money! So I made it through the first couple of chapters and she asks some tough questions to open your eyes to evaluate how badly you are discriminating against yourself. Here are my questions/answers be nice this was brutal!

Do you often look in the mirror and cringe at your appearance? Yes. I have mentioned before that I will avoid the mirror for as long as I can. The last time I looked in the mirror and felt good was when I was pregnant. It's been 7 months since I gave birth.

When you encounter more fit or lean individuals do you feel inferior or envious? Yes. But I cover with humor and sarcasm. You guys can't tell can you? or can you?

If there were less of you, would you be more loved? No. I am so very loved by my husband, daughter and family. I don't know that I could be anymore loved. It's all about how I feel about myself, not how they feel about me.

Do you avoid certain social situations that may draw attention to your body?  Sometimes. I try to make excuses and I always change my outfit several times.

Do you associate your level of happiness with your weight? Yes. Even though I know I am loved, I often think if my clothes fit better I would be happier. Sometimes I think if I just left the house and became more social I would be happier and that would lead to weight loss but then I get dressed and nothing fits so I stay home.

Do you believe that by losing weight your life will become perfect?  Sometimes. I know it won't fix everything (the ex wife will always be there lol)

Do you feel that you will never be satisfied with you body? Yes! I have been before, many times. I know that I am not a stick thin type. I love my curves, I just don't love having curves and bumps where I never have before and is more obvious and unattractive. I loved being a size 8, I want to get back to that!

Deborah Low says "yes" answers reflect the damaging, judging and unloving beliefs that we hold about ourselves. She says this type of harsh self-judgement leaches joy from our lives. I believe it! I have been struggling with this "leaching" of joy since my body took on a life of it's own. I have struggled to balance the joy I have in life with my husband and children and this "leaching"

Well I did it. The first round of tough questions answered! On to the next chapter....

Dollar store craft #2- creepy wreath!!

So I saw this idea on the dollar store craft page but they used a feather boa! That was excellent but she mentioned she wondered how it would look with moss. I was hooked. I also now wondered how it would look with moss! Pretty creepy cool if you ask me!

My dollar store did not have any wreaths but they did have a foam ring so I figured "hey I can work with that!" they also had the moss, google eyes and fake roaches!

Plug in the glue gun and rip open the packages!

Lay down some glue and pat on some moss, cover everything!

Place google eyes at random...

Add ribbon and a few well placed roaches!

Hang on door and be awesome.

Halloween!!!

I have been avoiding talking about my weight because I have not lost any. None. Not a pound. So we are joining the family rec center near our house but not until rent is paid! So in the mean time.... Halloween is coming!! I love decorating for halloween. I have found some very cool decorations that I am going to make based on the dollar store!!! I will post them as I make them!

So my cousin is getting married and wants floating pearls in vases as her centerpiece. I think they are beautiful!

So I went to the craft store and found everything I needed to make them. Then I went to the dollar store and found they had the same things! But for a dollar!!

Pretty vase=1$

Aqua beads in a jar=1$

Beads=1$

Cool.

Once I got the elegant wedding centerpiece done, I had alot of stuff and nothing to do with it. So then I got creative. I decided to put these to use and make decorations for my house for halloween.

I went to the dollar store and picked up some skeletons and eye balls and this is what I ended up with!

The aqua beads are tricky to work with you have to find just the right amount of water vs aqua beads. However, my kids both think its cool with just the aqua beads or when the aqua beads start poking up ontop because they are getting dehydrated. It's also alot easier if you put the beads in and let them soak water for about half an hour then try to position your floating items!

Hello reality. I have been expecting you.

Me? Avoiding you? No No no reality you got it all wrong! I was not avoiding you.....I was going the long way around is all.

Okay yeah I have been avoiding the truth of my situation. I am, dare I say, over my weight limit. I have reached the cusp of my sexy and can go no further. I must recede the flood of fat that has overtaken my body and soul.  I meant to write the terms of my surrender but instead started picking on Disney and doing dollar store crafts. I'm not saying I am going to stop I'm just saying it was a good distraction!

I bought a pair of pants. I bought a pair of pants online and they don't fit. Return them you say? NO. I will not. I bought pants in a size I thought I would never wear and you know what? I still can't wear them but for all the wrong reasons!! My bootie is not so cutie.
So back to my original plan of action. Small changes. I must get back to the basics.
1. I will start drinking water instead of soda
2. I will wake up at 7am Tuesday thru Saturday and take the dog on a walk, someday a run.
3.No more brownies at midnight. Seriously I eat brownies at midnight and if there are any left over? I eat them for breakfast. It would be a shame to waste them after all.
4. I will try to limit my breads to one meal a day. I am a carb whore but I can be reborn again!

I begin, tomorrow. If not tomorrow the next day or the day after but someday and soon.
Just kidding I will start Friday. Okay okay I will start tomorrow, geez get off my back!

dollar store craft #1... magnets

SO I googled Dollar store crafts and I found a wealth of information! Needless to say I have been obsessed ever since. The possibilities are endless! Ouch. Brain Freeze. I saw this awesome post about making your own magnets from little toys the kids leave around the house! How freaking cool!I knew I had to do it! Of course, when my kids leave little toys around the house I just throw them away (don't tell the kids) so I had to go to the dollar store and buy some little toys! I saw some Toy Story toys and some little cars so I gave it a try! Pretty cute but they have a hard time holding on so I don't think they will be holding anything! I made these and thought of my nephew's birthday coming up and I think these will be in his gift! (don't tell) So many secrets, so little time! Enjoy!
Here is how I did it.

Totally cool right?

Lesson from Toy Story...

Here is what we learned today from Toy Story. Sometimes it's better to play dead and pretend you don't know what's going on.

We tried several different facial expressions to see how to blend in better. Let me know what you think!

This is our wide eyed, non blinking stare.

Our sleeping pose

Oops! Busted. Classic.

She got creative and thought it might look more authentic if she had a tag also

Got a little grumpy at the end but so cute.

  

A lesson from cinderella...

The theme of the story I took away after watching Cinderella today? If you have a stepdaughter, make her work to earn her keep.
Life is so much easier when someone else does the work for you.

The video's needed to be reorganized

The laundry need to be folded and put away

The kitchen floor needed sweeping

                                                                        The dishes always need washing

                                                     Floor needs scrubbing!

And the rugs need to be vaccuumed.

I think she will grow into it.

Practice makes perfect.

Life is good.

                          (These are staged photo's. This is a joke. We had fun putting these together)

Disney Princes. Ah love.

                                                            

There was an article awhile back about the mental disorders of Disney Princesses.  I would like to counter that with a discussion of Disney Princes. Seriously these dudes are kinda messed up, no wonder we girls settle for so much (and no wonder the princess have issues).

After much thinking and pondering of the heart I am in full support of Prince Philip being the man. Really, you try to find fault with him. Prince Phillip falls in love with Sleeping Beauty (Aurora) then gets captured by the evil Maleficent.  Prince Phillip fights his way out of capture, kills Maleficent and rescues Aurora from eternal slumber. Sigh. Oh love. 

 Okay so:

 The Prince (Prince Ferdinand) from Snow White: Manic Depressive! Comes in singing and convinces Snow white he is awesome and she is in love. Then he totally disappears while she is almost murdered, flees for her life and lives in a cottage with eight tiny men. Show's up at the end looking good and rested to save the day.

Prince charming from Cinderella: Narcissistic! Spends all night dancing with Cinderella and doesn't ask her name? Then sends the whole kingdom out looking for her and he couldn't even give them a description to narrow it down???

Prince Eric: Player! Can’t find one good girl to marry in his entire kingdom? Then he finds a girl who is beautiful and makes him laugh but she doesn’t talk so he is very hesitant to take the relationship any further.  Dumps her like yesterday’s garbage as soon as a young pretty singing girl comes along.  I do give him points for realizing his mistake and fighting for Ariel once he figures his shit mistake out. (Did you know he is the only Prince not to sing??)

The Beast (Prince Adam) Intermittent explosive disorder! (Impulsive aggression is unpremeditated, and is defined by a disproportionate reaction to any provocation, real or perceived) What an angry, angry man.  Belittles his staff and refuses to give an old lady shelter. It only gets worse when he becomes an animal! He scares his staff and tears his castle apart. Takes Belle’s father as captive then has a tizzy fit when she doesn’t want to eat with him and runs away. Doesnt he know that hate leads to more hate? Where's the love? Oh yeah, Belle.

Aladdin: Klepto and pathological liar! This boy has problems. Yes he has to steal to eat but he really seems to enjoy it.  Then there is the problem that he has trouble just telling the truth. Lies to the guards, lies to Genie, lies to Princess Jasmin, lie lie lie.  Won't that boy ever learn?

Prince Naveen:  Lazy and gold digger! This prince gets cut off from mom and dad’s money supply so he hops a ship to America so he can marry a rich girl! It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know or love this girl so long as she has money to support his current life style.  Then when he messes up and becomes a frog, he relies solely on Tiana to get him out of his mess. Don't you worry he get's his princess in the end.

So there you go, our male role models we set our girls up to watch over and over again. Is it any wonder they don’t know better?