I am tired of avoiding myself so onto the next exercise!
Exercise #2
Question number 1: Why do I want to lose weight?
As I sit and think about this question it ends up being very simple. I want to be healthy. I want to be sexy. I want to fit in my clothes without the bumps and lumps. I want to stop being tired.
Question number 2: Are you willing to challenge yourself and work for your goal?
I don't know. I want to. I really want to, I think of things I can do to change and then it never works out. I feel like I have no self control. I am a stress eater. I quit smoking and now I eat. I want to try to do this right, for me.
Question number 3: Are you willing to accept, love and nurture your whole self- independent of weight loss?
This is hard because again I don't know the answer. Again, I want to say yes but it's a struggle and it's a journey. I don't feel the same way about myself now at 196 pounds as I did at 150. I don't feel the same way about myself at 196 pounds as I did at 170. I hate to look at myself. I hate getting dressed everyday. I want to be able to love myself because I am funny and smart and caring but how do I look past what I am?
Peace, love and a 24" waist says When we challenge the beliefs that we hold about the size of our bodies, we become conscious of the impact these thoughts have on our entire life. Creating a lifestyle that promotes weight loss is actually a lot easier that many people believe, but before you being the physical part of your journey towards greater health and well-being, you must first dismantle the biggest obstacle to weight loss success-
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
My weight story
Exercise number 1: Tell your weight story.
I believe my weight story began in my mid twenties. I met a boy. I met a boy who I fell madly in love with. A boy who did not love me but did love finding different ways to hurt me. Because of this I got depressed and with my depression I ate and drank more than a health person. Because my self esteem was so low I didn't leave. I stayed and endured. I stayed and gained more and more weight. I went to see my doctor who told me "there is nothing wrong with you except you are fat. Try eating an apple instead"
I stayed in my depression, weight gain and abusive relationship until I got a new job with wonderful caring people (thank you TSA Lihue!) who showed me I was better than the situation I was in. One of the most difficult things I have done was leave but I am forever grateful I was able to find the courage. I came home to a family that loved me and found a job that meant something to me.
Once I was home and working, I started to lose weight, I started to gain confidence in myself. Then I met the man of my dreams and the weight just melted off! I was down to a size eight and very active.
I was able to maintain my weight for two years! Then I got pregnant! Yea!
I had a wonderful easy pregnancy followed by a short painful labor and then bam. I was a mom. The best thing in the entire world. Three months after having my lovely Mae, I had to go back to work. I went back to a different position and for less pay. I very much struggled with it. I cried often and felt immense guilt for leaving my baby (even though it was at night when she was sleeping) I started eating and eating and eating. I gained 25 pounds! I didn't even gain that when I was pregnant. Dang. Because of my working graveyard shifts, I am up 20 hours when I should be sleeping. I eat all night to try and stay awake. When I am home I am tired and don't feel like I have the energy to do what I used to do. Also we have had alot of added stress to our house from outside factors. So what we have here is
Renewed depression + working graveyards + using food to cope with stress+ lack of activity= fat girl.
And there my friends is my weight story. Exercise one complete. Sigh. These are rough.
I believe my weight story began in my mid twenties. I met a boy. I met a boy who I fell madly in love with. A boy who did not love me but did love finding different ways to hurt me. Because of this I got depressed and with my depression I ate and drank more than a health person. Because my self esteem was so low I didn't leave. I stayed and endured. I stayed and gained more and more weight. I went to see my doctor who told me "there is nothing wrong with you except you are fat. Try eating an apple instead"
I stayed in my depression, weight gain and abusive relationship until I got a new job with wonderful caring people (thank you TSA Lihue!) who showed me I was better than the situation I was in. One of the most difficult things I have done was leave but I am forever grateful I was able to find the courage. I came home to a family that loved me and found a job that meant something to me.
Once I was home and working, I started to lose weight, I started to gain confidence in myself. Then I met the man of my dreams and the weight just melted off! I was down to a size eight and very active.
I was able to maintain my weight for two years! Then I got pregnant! Yea!
I had a wonderful easy pregnancy followed by a short painful labor and then bam. I was a mom. The best thing in the entire world. Three months after having my lovely Mae, I had to go back to work. I went back to a different position and for less pay. I very much struggled with it. I cried often and felt immense guilt for leaving my baby (even though it was at night when she was sleeping) I started eating and eating and eating. I gained 25 pounds! I didn't even gain that when I was pregnant. Dang. Because of my working graveyard shifts, I am up 20 hours when I should be sleeping. I eat all night to try and stay awake. When I am home I am tired and don't feel like I have the energy to do what I used to do. Also we have had alot of added stress to our house from outside factors. So what we have here is
Renewed depression + working graveyards + using food to cope with stress+ lack of activity= fat girl.
And there my friends is my weight story. Exercise one complete. Sigh. These are rough.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Photo contest!
Since my last post was so serious, I decide to lighten things up and post some pictures of my awsome baby and enter a photo contest! I have always loved photography and found this awesome site by Katie Evans, who gives amazing tips and has helped me improve on my passion! Thanks Katie! So here are my entries don't forget to stop by and vote for me on pintrest:
Entry #1
Entry #2
Entry #3
Entry #1
Monday, October 10, 2011
Peace, love and a 24"waist
Sounds perfect to me! So I picked up this book by Deborah Low Peace, love and a 24" waist. No no silly I didn't buy it, I actually made it to the library and borrowed it. I am done buying those dang books and wasting money! So I made it through the first couple of chapters and she asks some tough questions to open your eyes to evaluate how badly you are discriminating against yourself. Here are my questions/answers be nice this was brutal!
Do you often look in the mirror and cringe at your appearance? Yes. I have mentioned before that I will avoid the mirror for as long as I can. The last time I looked in the mirror and felt good was when I was pregnant. It's been 7 months since I gave birth.
When you encounter more fit or lean individuals do you feel inferior or envious? Yes. But I cover with humor and sarcasm. You guys can't tell can you? or can you?
If there were less of you, would you be more loved? No. I am so very loved by my husband, daughter and family. I don't know that I could be anymore loved. It's all about how I feel about myself, not how they feel about me.
Do you avoid certain social situations that may draw attention to your body? Sometimes. I try to make excuses and I always change my outfit several times.
Do you associate your level of happiness with your weight? Yes. Even though I know I am loved, I often think if my clothes fit better I would be happier. Sometimes I think if I just left the house and became more social I would be happier and that would lead to weight loss but then I get dressed and nothing fits so I stay home.
Do you believe that by losing weight your life will become perfect? Sometimes. I know it won't fix everything (the ex wife will always be there lol)
Do you feel that you will never be satisfied with you body? Yes! I have been before, many times. I know that I am not a stick thin type. I love my curves, I just don't love having curves and bumps where I never have before and is more obvious and unattractive. I loved being a size 8, I want to get back to that!
Deborah Low says "yes" answers reflect the damaging, judging and unloving beliefs that we hold about ourselves. She says this type of harsh self-judgement leaches joy from our lives. I believe it! I have been struggling with this "leaching" of joy since my body took on a life of it's own. I have struggled to balance the joy I have in life with my husband and children and this "leaching"
Well I did it. The first round of tough questions answered! On to the next chapter....
Do you often look in the mirror and cringe at your appearance? Yes. I have mentioned before that I will avoid the mirror for as long as I can. The last time I looked in the mirror and felt good was when I was pregnant. It's been 7 months since I gave birth.
When you encounter more fit or lean individuals do you feel inferior or envious? Yes. But I cover with humor and sarcasm. You guys can't tell can you? or can you?
If there were less of you, would you be more loved? No. I am so very loved by my husband, daughter and family. I don't know that I could be anymore loved. It's all about how I feel about myself, not how they feel about me.
Do you avoid certain social situations that may draw attention to your body? Sometimes. I try to make excuses and I always change my outfit several times.
Do you associate your level of happiness with your weight? Yes. Even though I know I am loved, I often think if my clothes fit better I would be happier. Sometimes I think if I just left the house and became more social I would be happier and that would lead to weight loss but then I get dressed and nothing fits so I stay home.
Do you believe that by losing weight your life will become perfect? Sometimes. I know it won't fix everything (the ex wife will always be there lol)
Do you feel that you will never be satisfied with you body? Yes! I have been before, many times. I know that I am not a stick thin type. I love my curves, I just don't love having curves and bumps where I never have before and is more obvious and unattractive. I loved being a size 8, I want to get back to that!
Deborah Low says "yes" answers reflect the damaging, judging and unloving beliefs that we hold about ourselves. She says this type of harsh self-judgement leaches joy from our lives. I believe it! I have been struggling with this "leaching" of joy since my body took on a life of it's own. I have struggled to balance the joy I have in life with my husband and children and this "leaching"
Well I did it. The first round of tough questions answered! On to the next chapter....
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Dollar store craft #2- creepy wreath!!
So I saw this idea on the dollar store craft page but they used a feather boa! That was excellent but she mentioned she wondered how it would look with moss. I was hooked. I also now wondered how it would look with moss! Pretty creepy cool if you ask me!
Plug in the glue gun and rip open the packages!
Lay down some glue and pat on some moss, cover everything!
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